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Is it sad my brain, when faced with the letter ‘V’ – immediately thought of the Sookie Stackhouse novels I’ve been reading?

Then I thought of my friend’s LongDeadVibrator named Vesuvio.

I am grateful for the entertainment both of these things have given me, though Vesuvio died more than a year ago.

But V is for Vanity.

Vanity probably seems a bit strange as a topic for these specific blogs… but I can explain.

I am vain.  I can admit it.  In fact, I just did lol.   Looking nice matters to me.  It’s the number one motivator for my continuing to not smoke – which Iam grateful for.  Despite the weight gain, and the emotional outbursts I am still learning to control…  I know I look better.  My nails aren’t yellow, warped or cracking.  My teeth are visibly whiter.  My hair grows faster and my chin and cheeks break out less often – since I am not pressing my fingers against them all day long to get the cigarette to my lips and the nicotine in to my lungs.  I SMELL better – which is an instant attractiveness boost in anyone’s book.

As much as I want another cigarette – and don’t think I don’t want one more than you could possibly imagine – I am equally reluctant to undo the physical differences quitting has had on me.  For (exactly!) 50 weeks now, that has kept me (relatively) smoke free.  It is why I haven’t brought smokes home.

Even the reluctance to FAIL at quitting can be attributed to my Vanity.  Failing to quit smoking is a very public failure.  Everyone will know if I fail – and we’ve already gone over how much I hate to fail in front of people.

My Vanity has me making a conscious effort to eat better – and now with less frequency.  I am also heading back to the gym after a two (three?) week hiatus.  It has me rediscovering how much I love a good salad…and cottage cheese with sunflower kernels…etc

Despite my weight gain in the last year… I am healthier than I was this time last year.  And I am working my way down in the weight department as well.

My Vanity spurs my determination…  and I am grateful for that.  I figure its better than more than a few of the other Sins anyway…

Tags: change, choices, Days of Gratefulness, dieting, fatty fat fat, quitting smoking, smoking, ugly, Vanity

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 29th, 2009 at 4:47 pm and is filed under Days of Gratefullnes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.