squishisms.com

I get it.  I really do.  You go to the movies, and you like whatever you see.  You want to share the happiness and joy you experienced with everyone else.  It made you happy, so obviously it will make them happy too.  You have to tell them about this movie that will make them happy.  You have to let them know that they will be happy if they go see it.

You, and every single other person that was in that theater with you, will go and tell all your friends about the movie.  Half will go see the movie, maybe half will like it as much as you did, and then they all go tell all of their friends, along with every other person who was in the theater with them.

I used to do it too.

I am poor, but more importantly, I am claustrophobic in the extreme.  I CANNOT go to movies opening night anymore unless someone can guarantee me that I will have someone I know WELL on either side of me to buffet me from the crowd of people I do not know.  I often wait at least two weeks before I will go see a movie, and even then I prefer to go on a weeknight or matinee showing.  (If I can drag Robbie out of bed for a weekend matinee, my life is perfect.)  I may even just wait to see it in BluRay.  It takes a lot to get me to a theater anymore.  I will be the last person to see the movie.

Always.

And by the time I go see it, I have either heard all about it and there is no point in spending the $40 it takes to go to the movies now, and then I’m irritated that I wasted the money and time.  Or, I don’t find it as entertaining as EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON alive apparently thought it to be and then I’m even more irritated at the waste of time and money – and irritated at the person who told me the movie was worth that (Read: You).

I am not big on romantic comedies.  Very few of them make me happy.  Up In the Air?  Not a fan.  Completely don’t get the draw of that, other than Clooney – who never gets naked.  ‘Dramas’ with Matt Damon or Leo DiCaprio?  Also not my thing (99% of the time, Blood Diamond is still one of my favorite movies ever.)  I don’t get moral treatises in movie form.  I just don’t.  Julie and Julia? Made me want to cry and stab people all at once.  And I still want those two hours of my life back.  Don’t even get me started on movies like Paul Blart,Bruno, or Napoleon Dynamite.

I can appreciate the high caliber of acting prowess…but not the movies themselves.

My alley is horrible movies.  Horror movies.  Action movies (without Bruce Willis, unless it’s the Die Hard movies).  I love foreign movies, with subtitles – dubbing is ridiculous.  Bread and Tulips is work of art.  And there are not enough words in the English language to fully describe my love for documentaries.  And I am my father’s daughter and will always watch SciFi movies, and love them, regardless of hole-y plots and bad acting.

Occasionally I do like the movies everyone else likes.  Most recently – Avatar and Star Trek.  These movies tend to be HUGE blockbusters.  Movies with huge promotional campaigns.  Movies everyone anticipates, including me.  Movies that McDonalds makes a special French Fry container for and/or BurgerKing invents cups for.  Movies I will have decided to go see long before you (and everyone else) come tell me how awesome it is and the thousand reasons why I should go see it.  I will have been dodging commercials and trailers for weeks, to keep from knowing more of the plot than I want to.  To keep from expecting anything from the movie.  So that I cannot be let down.

And then my weeks of careful avoidance are ruined by one sentence from someone who just can’t contain their excitement.

The internet is ruining us.  We are all, myself included, guilty of over-sharing.  We can tell literally every single person we know each time we have a bowel movement through FaceBook or twitter if we so choose, and some do.  We have gotten used to being able to inform the world of every single action we take and how that makes us feel.

We don’t wait to be asked anymore.

“I saw Avatar last night.”

“Oh yeah?  How was it?”

“Ohmigod it was the bestest movie that ever bested!  I loved it!  You haven’t seen it?   You should go see it.  I’ll take you to go see it, right now.”

Has become :

“SoandSo SuchandSuch      JUST WATCHED AVATAR AND OMG EVERYONE GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW!!!ELEVENTYONE1!!!  I’LL GO WITH YOU!!!”

Again:

Which brings me to my second point:

No.  I do not want you to go with me to see it, if you have already seen it.  You will give away the plot.  You’ll lean forward in your seat in anticipation of the gunshot.  Or look to me to see how I will react to the betrayal about to occur.  Or you’ll talk through the whole damn thing telling me to “just wait” for what’s about to happen.

Some movies, I don’t care.  I don’t care if you tell me if you liked it, or didn’t.  Or what RottenTomatoes has told you think about it.  Or if you go with me and sit forward in your seat and preemptively shield your eyes from the Scary coming…

In those cases:  I WILL ASK.

Is it so much to ask that I not be told if I don’t ask?  Really?

***Note:  I am aware the blog above is petty and pouty.  This is me not caring.  >_<***